Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark
kellinator

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Transcript, "The Pet Psychic," July 26, 2002

The Pet Psychic: Today we'll be talking to the Kellinator and her two cats. What's the problem, Kellinator?
Kellinator: Well, Sam keeps glaring at me and neither one will let me sleep.
The Pet Psychic: Okay. Well, Sam here has quite a lot to say... he's very upset with you. He says you're neglecting him.
Kellinator: I'm not neglecting him. His mom and I just put him on a diet.
The Pet Psychic: Ah. Well, Sam says you damn well better feed him or he'll rip your throat out in your sleep.
Kellinator: He needs to be on a diet. He's a tubbo.
The Pet Psychic: He says he knows what a "tubbo" is and he doesn't appreciate it.
Kellinator: Scheisskopf.
The Pet Psychic: He knows German too. He says he's smarter than you, and when you're as old and smart as he is you can do whatever you like. Oh, and he has a message: "You kids get off my lawn."
Kellinator: Damn. Well, what about Nick?
The Pet Psychic: Nick is scared. He says people want to put him in the cuddle box, and he doesn't like it.
Kellinator: Oh, that's just Rick.
The Pet Psychic: Well, he knows what the cuddle box is, and he doesn't think it's funny that your friend wants to put him in the microwave.
Kellinator: Well, tell him he can take a swipe at Rick if it'll make him feel better.
The Pet Psychic: Good luck, Kellinator. You have some really fucked-up cats.
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