Kellinator Jones and the Temple of Snark

Because James and I disagree...

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:17:26 GMT

Liveblogging the NBA Draft... with beer!

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:41:54 GMT

Okay, so it's actually Strongbow cider. But beer sounds cooler and you know it.

So this is the night when the NBA drafts its rookies, and I drink and yell at the tv a lot. I don't really know how the picks are going to shake out, but I will make a few guarantees for draft night: Jay Bilas will say dumb shit. Dick Vitale will say really dumb shit. Stephen A. Smith will say dumb shit, but I will forgive him because he makes me laugh and because there's always the chance he might look at Dickie V and say "that crazy old white man, he's on crack."

Booing David Stern! Something that all NBA fans can agree on!

Blahblahblah bullshit blahblahblah my global empire blahblahblah I swear the games aren't fixed. Shut up, Stern.

If the crowd is going to yell funny shit, they could at least bother to enunciate so I can hear it.

I really do not get why everyone's having such a fit over Derrick Rose. He's a point guard. And I love to watch point guards, but let's be honest, and this is coming from the world's biggest Steve Nash fangirl here, point guards don't win championships. At least not these days. Iverson, Kidd, Nashie-poo honey-buns... You know what they have in common? No championships. You know who does have a championship? Rajon Rondo. Not to diss Rondo, I think he's terrific, but that wasn't exactly a point guard-led team, you know?

Oh good, Michael Beasley went second. Pat Riley does still have brain cells. Good to know.

John Paxson: yet another former NBA player who doesn't actually know shit about running a team, despite being white. And before you give me shit about being racist, I'd like to point out it's not my fault every team assumes white guys know what they're doing in the front office. I give you Kevin McHale, Larry Bird, and I guess I can't say Danny Ainge anymore, so I'll say Kevin McHale again, because he deserves it for the mess he's made in Minnesota. And that's just former Celtics of the '80s.

Though I've got plenty of concerns about OJ Mayo, he has given us the first good suit of this draft. Why is his mom wearing a prom dress? When Tim Floyd says he didn't know about the NCAA violations, he's full of shit. OJ's rep walked in his office and said "OJ wants to play here for a year so he can start marketing himself." That's what we call a red flag. Though to be fair, I'd probably have an ego the size of Manhattan if I'd been in Sports Illustrated since I was a preteen.

James just pointed out that I don't follow college basketball enough to know who these guys are, so why am I interested? Because it's an excuse to drink and yell at the tv. And I will go on the record as saying I may just be a drunk fan, but I could still do better than half the GMs in the league. Well, not really. But I still think I could do better than Kevin McHale.

James: "Why does nobody care about Memphis?"
Me: "Because they SUCK and don't want to win and traded Pau Gasol for spare change."
James: "Did they really?"
Me: "No, Kwame Brown. Same thing really."

I wonder if there has ever been a Knicks pick the MSG crowd hasn't booed... I miss the "Fire Isiah" chants though. As bad as Isiah sucked, I hated to see him go. He was the best soap opera going.

The Rooster?! Congratulations Daniel "Boobie" Gibson, you no longer have the worst nickname in the NBA.

I only just now found out about the Yi-Simmons-Jefferson trade. Either ESPN sucks or I'm not paying attention.

Gee Brook Lopez, how does it feel to go from projected third pick to actual tenth?

Blah blah blah. I must be losing interest because I learned a lesson last year and am not expecting a Vandy player to get drafted just because he was SEC Player of the Year. More beer!

Phoenix fans, what do we end up getting in the Joe Johnson trade? The twin brother of the guy who fell from third to tenth. If I weren't drinking already, I'd start now. TRADE NASH!!!

I predict Portland just got the steal of the draft with Darrell Arthur.

Jubilation + schadenfreude = more jubilation.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 04:16:11 GMT

The Celtics were celebrating on the tv and I thought I just couldn't be any happier...

...and then the camera cut to Kobe Bryant stalking off the court...

...Best of both worlds!!

ETA: Phil Jackson on the tv, answering stupid questions over the din of celebrating Celtics fans while gritting his teeth and looking like he's about to go postal. IT GETS BETTER AND BETTER!!

not many of you will get this

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:19:21 GMT

The Celtics are leading the Lakers by 29 at the start of the fourth quarter and I'm still yelling at the tv. James is all "wtf?!" and I'm "when you're a Vandy fan, no lead is ever big enough."

Kobe looks pissed. HA HA HA KOBE.

Be glad you're not here.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:50:16 GMT

Game 6 of the NBA Finals and everyone here at Casa Kellinator is really hoping the Celtics close it out tonight. Me because I just want the Celtics to win already, and James and the cats because they're tired of me screaming at the TV.

I will say there's nothing like Celtics vs. Lakers in the Finals... but with Kobe on the Lakers, it's like an epic battle of good vs. evil. KOBE SUCKS!!

I thought Atkins was over.

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:30:37 GMT

Would you believe the vending machine at work has a "heart-healthy" sticker next to the Junior Johnson pork rinds?

Oh wow

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 21:37:32 GMT

It's the trash TV jackpot!!

I Love Money

Much better than famewhores pretending they actually want to sleep with Flavor Flav... and more honest.

more basketball

Fri, 30 May 2008 01:07:16 GMT

I've got the Lakers-Spurs pregame on right now, mainly because the Lakers can close out the series tonight and therefore this could be my last chance to see Charles Barkley on TNT until next season.

I think somebody needs to give Charles Barkley his own channel where he can rant about whatever shit he wants to all day. Because I would watch that shit all the damn time. Get me them socks!

They got a statue of Rocky, and he's not even real.

Wed, 14 May 2008 02:55:06 GMT

I don't know which disturbs me more: the fact that I can recite those damn Barkley D-Wade T-Mobile commercials, or the fact that I really enjoy doing so.

Some of you oughta comment on this one. You may not follow the NBA but I know you've seen those commercials. Gimme dem socks!

I hate the Spurs.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:45:20 GMT

Dammit, Steve. You do not get eliminated in April. (You also do not get eliminated in June because you're not playing then in the first place, but that's beside the point.)

This sucks.

I really think Phoenix had finally gotten over the hump with the Spurs last year, but then Amare and Diaw got suspended (which is totally bullshit; this week KG got less for more) and it was like it broke their spirit and then it was just one bad break after another. One of the ESPN guys said Phoenix was the team who could not get a lucky break.

I'm going to go cry in my fruit juice now.

Yay!! I'm an old fart!!

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:28:07 GMT

Today I hit the big 3-0 and I am so thrilled. All day I've been practicing important phrases I will now need like "you kids get off my yard!"

Actually, I'm not kidding. My late twenties were better than my early twenties, and the older I get the less I feel compelled to try to impress other people and the more I just enjoy being myself. Some birthdays in the past I've fretted over all I haven't accomplished yet; this one, I can look at what I have done and be pretty satisfied with it. I think this is going to be a good decade.

They're out to retroactively ruin my childhood

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:26:50 GMT

raptorgirl linked to a couple of blogs dedicated to making fun of the Baby-Sitters Club: BSC Headquarters and What Claudia Wore. And they're hilarious, but I need to stay the hell away from him because... I loved those books. From like fourth to sixth or seventh grade. I obsessed over them, made the other girls sign contracts saying they'd replace my copies if they messed them up before I'd let them borrow them. Mary Anne was my favorite, until towards the end when I changed my mind and decided it was Kristy. And I did have a tiny inkling that Dawn was a bitch. And I abruptly stopped reading them once I went to TIP (academic summer camp) for the first time... we went to the bookstore, and the newest one was there, but I just didn't want to buy it, it was so weird, it might even have been the moment I started growing up. So even though the snark is totally deserved, I just dunno if I wanna go there. That's my childhood.

Screw the Atlanta Ballet

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 21:47:50 GMT

James and I went to see the Atlanta Ballet's version of The Great Gatsby over a year ago. It was okay, but I'm really starting to regret that we went, because the Atlanta Ballet will not leave me the fuck alone.

I've asked their telemarketers to take me off their list several times, but still they keep calling, and you cannot shut them up or get a word in edgewise. They keep goingandgoingandgoing... and when I finally lost it at this latest guy and told him I didn't appreciate the high-pressure sales tactics, he started telling me he wasn't high-pressure at all and got himself hung up on. Look buddy, eye of the beholder. You telling me you're not high-pressure... just makes you that much more high-pressure. Jackass.

These people are working really hard to ensure that when we have money again, we won't be spending it on ballet tickets.

Back? Maybe?

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 19:42:43 GMT

I know I've said that before, but I think I might mean it this time. I've gotten kinda tired of not knowing what's going on with my friends. I don't imagine I'll be posting much (posting energies go into my yarn blog and Ravelry), and I may end up trimming my reading list, but I'm going to try to keep up with what's going on. I'm seeing that I've missed rehabs and babies and whatnot, so if there's anything from the past two months you need me to know about, drop me a note.

Me? Nothing much going on. James is good. Kitties are fat and spoiled and like to sleep on me (Katie tried to sleep on my head last night). I learned to knit. I learned to knit less than two months ago and last night I started knitting my first sock. Sorry, had to brag. I gave up buying yarn for Lent (the first time I'd ever observed Lent in any way) and have now been on a yarn-buying binge since Easter.

I'm happy. I hope you are happy too.

Valentine's Day

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:33:48 GMT

It’s my first Valentine’s Day as a married woman, and when I saw the beautiful roses a student employee had gotten, I suddenly realized the difference between V-days for a girlfriend and a wife:

Girlfriend: “I hope he gets me roses. He BETTER get me roses.”

Wife: “If he spends OUR money on a bunch of overpriced flowers, I’ll kick his ass."

May you all have just the sort of day you want.

Today is SO fired.

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:04:28 GMT

Today was already a horrible day, but it got a whole lot worse three minutes ago when a spoiled rich asshole in a white convertible ran a red light and nearly ran me down in the process.

We made eye contact. He waved.

If you ever wonder why I call it the University of the Damned... this is why.

hee hee hee, Thompson's out

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:25:57 GMT

Fred Thompson ends presidential bid

Now he won't be President AND he's off Law and Order. It's like the best of both worlds!

Sucks to be me, just a tiny tiny bit

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 17:33:53 GMT

I'd heard some rumblings on the radio about 99X becoming the first "digital only" station or some bullshit like that (seriously, I'm pretty damn sure there have been "digital only" stations for a while) but had pretty successfully ignored it because that would require giving a damn or something. Then this morning in the car I got the unpleasant surprise of "The Bert Show." Turns out what they really meant was they're replacing 99X with Q100 or one of those crap stations and sticking 99X on teh intarwubz where I can't listen to it in my car, which is the only place I ever listen to the radio anyway.

I'm pretty annoyed because I don't know of a single other Atlanta station that doesn't suck, except the Georgia State station, which is too hip for me anyway. Oh, and NPR, but really, I don't need anything intellectual distracting me while I'm trying to drive. James likes Star 94, but anything that plays Hannah Montana is just not what I'm looking for. Anyone got any recommendations? Because I really don't need to be fucking with my CD player in traffic.

It bums me out. 99X wasn't always great, but it was pretty dependable for a morning show that jibed with my sense of humor (most of the time) and music that usually didn't want to make me gouge my eardrums out (that Korn Bizkit phase of theirs notwithstanding). Bringing back the '90s alternative ruled. I guess really it's sentimental; I found 99X right when I got to Atlanta and eight years later, it's one of the few things from back then still in my life (I feel like I've gone through three personalities or something).

In that vein, I am going to try to come back to LJ a little bit, for real this time. I don't expect I'll be posting or commenting much, but it would be good to try and catch up with what's going on with my friends.

Celebrity Rehab with James and Kelly: Random Observations

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 06:00:29 GMT

James: The no-sex rule is stupid.
Kelly: If you're having sex, you're not working on your recovery.
James: If you're having sex , you're not doing drugs.

Mary Carey started doing porn because she thought it would be cool to be in front of the cameras. That has GOT to be the literal definition of "famewhore."

Jamie Foxworth's mother really does think she's going to die of pot.

Oh, I'm going to the Special Hell...

Thu, 10 Jan 2008 23:15:19 GMT

Tonight at 10, the Holy Grail of trainwreck TV...

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Like I said, going to the special hell...

Back, I guess.

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 07:10:07 GMT

If I missed anything important, be sure to link me up.

It's really weird. I was away from LJ for like three weeks, and I don't think I missed it.

My first crochet design!

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 01:16:06 GMT

I call it... the Jester Bag!

It's designed to hold your yarn while you crochet on the go. I've got more of a writeup at my crochet blog if you want to check it out.

http://madcrocheter.blogspot.com/2007/12/sooper-secret-project-revealed.html

I have a very sheltered husband.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 15:18:23 GMT

So James and I are discussing how my butt looks in a pair of his pants that I ~~stole~~ borrowed.

Me: I hate to be the one to tell you this, honey, but... I'm not really a hoochie mama.
James: I don't even know what that word means.

More and more of an old lady all the time...

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:23:10 GMT

and to tell the truth, I kinda like it that way. :)

I'm sure I'll use LJ again, when I have something to say. In the meantime, I've started a crochet blog over at madcrocheter.blogspot.com, and it's linked up to my Ravelry page (I'm kellinator on Ravelry, and if you work with yarn you need to get on the waiting list right now, because it rocks), so that will probably be my main form of online noodling for a while.

Life is beautiful, isn't it?

silly meme...

Wed, 14 Nov 2007 17:11:39 GMT

I'm really enjoying everyone's lists of reasons past relationships broke up, but I don't think I can do one of my own because even years after the fact, typing "he dumped me because I was clingy" fourteen times is bound to make me feel like a loser.

(to those of you who knew me back then: How did you manage not to strangle me, anyway?)