Kelly's Fucked-Up Ad of the Day:
"I want to kiss your KEDS. High heels or lingerie may work for some men, but for me it is KEDS. Those precious little sneakers with the blue label absolutley drive me wild. I will worship your KEDS and you will have total control of me whether they are on or off of your feet. I want to be your total sneaker slave and wish to humiliated unmercifully. I will wear my KEDS in public for you. I will buy KEDS for you. I will kneel before and kiss your feet while you are wearing your KEDS. And MUCH MUCH more!!!!! "
Ummm... well... what can one say about that, exactly?
"LET ME MAKE YOU WET,,,,,,,,SO I CAN LICK YOU DRY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,CAN E MAIL YOU PICTURES,,,,UPON RE"
All those commas give me a headache just looking at them.
This poor guy is from Athens, Greece, and I bet he has no idea how this sounds:
"Up for a challenge? Let me spoil you Greek style!"
"Young 62 year 6ft. male 225lb.average looking in kitchener waterloo aria white and average build. None smoker, Social drink . I am attached looking to meet a lady for discreet adventerious times for a ongoing relationship, I have many intrests, . "
He has many interests but doesn't actually name any of them. Let me guess: sex, sex, and sex.
Allow me to interrupt myself to bitch for a moment about men who say they only want thin and/or very beautiful women when they're ugly and stupid themselves and already cheating on one person. Earth to dumbasses: You're not all that.
The latest installment of Masterpiece (of Bad Sex Poetry) Theatre:
"Spring has sprung,
The smell of soft skin, the charge in the air,
You want a taste, but now you�re not sure.
E-mail me now, if you want something good,
You know it�s not proper, but your bod say�s you should.
My body�s my temple, my church and my shrine,
Let�s see your back-stage, and then I�ll show mine."
I know it's not nice to diss on English-as-a-second-language speakers, but still:
"i am amail form eygpt i work in art ihave not wife becouse i work in diernet plases ilike womens and sport some time i riding my car for long distanse"
" ...............ok,I have the ability to get u down easily.u have 2 be a sex machine or a sex bomb to satisfy me.if u r not so try 2 be one then show me.sex is a game,and i like playing too much"
Please, for the sake of all of us women in the world, take a cold shower.
"I like to have any kind of relation with females, including online sex..
i can make u crazy girls,, try me."
This one doesn't make any sense to me, but from a guy whose username is "LOOSER22", what do you expect?
"am a man just looking to pass my time,and meeting people "women". about,myself i got nothing to say onley look but dont touch but not for the ladys"
"i like sex sex and sex
and i am searching woman who like sex ex and sex
and she will be in 30 to 45 years"
(sigh) Who's sensing a theme today?
"paging Dr. Hue G Rexshun"
Is that what passes for witty these days?
Honestly, I can't decide if this one is cute or just plain strange:
"Im like Shreck but not. I dont have green skin, I groom, can cook, and have more than one talking donkey as a friend. I am looking for someone to make it worth getting out of my house. Like, if like is, like not major part of your, like, vocabulary like great! Just need to be able to carry a conversation and have a majority of your appendages and your good enough for me!"
Here's my latest suitor:
"me i ilke chating,an i realy enjoy clickng on lavalife.com,an i like to meet new freands,to what they like an get know one onother well.i think this is the best way of knowing peoole from allover the wold."
Why, oh why, do I only get hits from guys who write like this?!