Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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I am the happiest little duck in the world.

When you're moving, you really find out who your friends are. And it appears mine are my ex-boyfriends.

Here's the approximate timeline for my move:

12:30 PM -- Adric calls. I'm still in bed. He hangs up. I go back to bed.
2:30 PM -- Adric calls back and convinces me to get up.
3:00 PM -- Adric arrives. He pulls out his cell phone and proceeds to do business while I freak out and throw things in boxes.
3:30 PM -- A. arrives, bitches at me for not having packed better, calls my soon-to-be (and not present) ex-roommate a vulgar term for female genitalia.
3:35 PM -- A. disappears. Adric and I think he must be drinking my roommate's beer.
3:40 PM -- A. reappears, announces he erased my roommate's voice mail. I chastise him loudly.
3:45 PM -- For the twentieth time, I tell A. he cannot throw a penny in the garbage disposal on the way out.
4:00 PM -- A. and Adric carry almost everything heavy while I stand around and feel uncomfortably like a damsel in distress.
5:00 PM -- Caravan
5:30 PM -- Adric takes off after unloading heavy objects.
6:00 PM -- A. and I head back. I spill Gatorade on myself in the car.
6:30 PM -- A. expresses a desire to chew out my roommate.
7:00 PM -- I clean the bedroom and bathroom. A. says "Why don't you kiss her ass while you're at it?" I reply that I'm doing this not for her, but for my own peace of mind, and anyway the unmopped bathroom floor is revenge enough.
8:00 PM -- Caravan, part two
8:30 PM -- To get me out of his workaholic way, A. suggests I order the pizza.
9:00 PM -- Pizza and Alias. I break into spasms of joy when I ask A. to put his plate in the kitchen and realize it's *my* kitchen. A. helps unpack.
10:00 PM -- Though A. and I cannot find my stereo cord, I'm thrilled to decorate the place with my favorite trinkets which make me feel at home.
11:00 PM -- A. leaves with my heartfelt thanks and a nomination for the "Best Ex-Boyfriend Ever" Award.
11:01 PM -- I find the stereo cord. Joy!

  • (no subject)

    You know you're getting old when "too drunk to fuck" becomes "too drunk to floss."

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