I'm tired and emotionally drained. And very, very sad. And most of the people I've run into today don't seem to understand why I'm so sad. After all, it's not like I had family or friends in New York. What's wrong with me?
Well, I can't explain it, and I don't really want to explain it. But my reaction is just as valid as everyone else's. And the fact that I'm acting this way doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with me.
Talking and writing have helped. One of my professors extended an offer for us to drop by and talk, and I took her up on it, and she is a great comfort and a beautiful human being. A very special friend (and you know who you are) calmed me down last night. And another very special friend (and I hope you know who you are) reminded me of what's really important.
If you don't see or hear as much of me in the next few days, don't be surprised. I'll be asking myself, "What next?"
Give me back my broken night my mirrored room, my secret life it's lonely here, there's no one left to torture Give me absolute control over every living soul And lie beside me, baby, that's an order! Give me crack and anal sex Take the only tree that's left and stuff it up the hole in your culture Give me back the Berlin wall give me Stalin and St Paul I've seen the future, brother: it is murder.
Things are going to slide, slide in all directions Won't be nothing Nothing you can measure anymore The blizzard, the blizzard of the world has crossed the threshold and it has overturned the order of the soul When they said REPENT REPENT I wonder what they meant When they said REPENT REPENT I wonder what they meant When they said REPENT REPENT I wonder what they meant
You don't know me from the wind you never will, you never did I'm the little jew who wrote the Bible I've seen the nations rise and fall I've heard their stories, heard them all but love's the only engine of survival Your servant here, he has been told to say it clear, to say it cold: It's over, it ain't going any further And now the wheels of heaven stop you feel the devil's riding crop Get ready for the future: it is murder
Things are going to slide ...
There'll be the breaking of the ancient western code Your private life will suddenly explode There'll be phantoms There'll be fires on the road and the white man dancing You'll see a woman hanging upside down her features covered by her fallen gown and all the lousy little poets coming round tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson and the white man dancin'
Give me back the Berlin wall Give me Stalin and St Paul Give me Christ or give me Hiroshima Destroy another fetus now We don't like children anyhow I've seen the future, baby: it is murder
in the midst of the horror, people are still not giving up.
I called the Red Cross last night to see about giving blood. The phone recording said that because of the high volume of calls, I should just leave my name and number. But I couldn't... because the message mailbox was already full. I then called the United Way and talked to a woman who told me the outpouring of volunteers was unbelievable.
Everywhere you look, people are donating blood and money. The rescue workers in New York have to be forced to eat and rest. People do care. And that is what will keep us going on.
distressed
optimistic