September 22nd, 2001

Daria

A

(the Barenaked Ladies)

A is for angry, which is what you are at me
A is for adult, which is what I'll never be
A is for applesauce, my favorite meal
A is for Adam, which is how I sometimes feel;
Like I'm the only man on Earth, and I've forgotten what that's worth
A is for Arthur, he's a loveable drunk
A M & Azing, like Thelonius Monk
A is for argument, A is for apparent
A is for antagonism that's not even there and
it's just you begging for attention or something I won't even mention

Chorus:
And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

A is for algebra, I learned it in school
A is what Fonzie said, 'cause he was very cool
A is for adversary, A is for affection
A is arousal, you are giving me an erection
C'mon I'm trying to show affection for longer than a half an hour

And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go

I met a woman I used to know
Long before you, long ago
All I could say, after hello
Was "are you still single?"

A is for attitude I can't help but wield
A is for arrogance; emotional shield
A is for acting, A is for abhorrently
A is for asshole, which is what I am, how rude of me.
I owe you an apology I'm sorry

And I don't even know why you keep on trying
Like I don't even know why I keep on lying
There are millions of people in worlds of their own
And two of them can't let go
Daria

Where I am today

Last night was a rough night. The drama level at Innovox was especially high, and I didn't deal well with it, especially considering that I was meeting someone new. For all the positive energy at Innovox, sometimes things go wrong. Just like for all that we're well-intentioned people, sometimes things go wrong.

Sometimes it's very hard for me to stay calm when someone says "It's okay," no matter how good the intentions behind those words are. I keep wanting to scream "It's NOT okay, and it hasn't been okay for a long time!!" I know folks think they're being supportive, but I think I'd just prefer the honesty. And right now the truth is that despite my best efforts, I'm not having much luck improving my life or my outlook on it. I mean, I know people get pissed at me for wallowing in my own melancholy (ooh, good phrase, must use it in class), but I really have been trying to make some changes in my life for the better. They just don't seem to be taking yet.

And sometimes I think people mean it when they try to comfort me, and sometimes I think they're just glossing it over so they can get back to their favorite subjects. I don't expect to be anyone's favorite subject, nor do I think I should be. But the next time you start to check on someone, remember that words of wisdom probably aren't what they want. Probably they'd prefer you just give them a hug.
  • Current Music
    "Jane" -- Barenaked Ladies