November 20th, 2001


Still not a Buddhist.

One of the things that drives me crazy about myself is how much I think I need people.

I'm not sure that I actually do need people, but something in my troubled little psyche thinks I do. Something makes me think my life would be more pleasant if I had a rapper-style entourage, parents I never fought with, and perhaps an adoring boyfriend.

You know why I think that? Because it would be.

Let's face it: No matter how much I bitch about them, I still like people. And I want people to like me, which is the unfortunate reason they can't stand me. It's why every time I get interested in a cool guy, he cancels on me or "loses" my email address or just generally jerks me around. It's why I come to Innovox and feel sorry for myself while I sit in the corner, unable to spread my peacock tail and strut.

I know I've got to do the Buddhist thing, get detached and separate from all this stuff. But that's so antithetical to who I am. I'm Kelly. I like kitties, puppies, duckies, and people -- well, that last one some of the time. Sometimes I'd like to change my stripes, and sometimes I want to stand on the bar and scream "What's wrong with the stripes I've got now???"
  • Current Music
    "Lovefool" -- The Cardigans


I'm going home tomorrow.

Normally I would write a post here about some of the things I'm thankful for, but right now I'm cranky and I'm pissed off so I'll do it some other time.
  • Current Mood
    bitchy bitchy