April 22nd, 2002


You say it's your birthday.

Birthdays are hard for me.

Actually, I remember some good birthdays, but mostly the crappy birthdays.

When I turned 16, the awful guy I was with (I hadn't realized how awful yet) didn't even say 'happy birthday.' We were on a bus trip, and when I told him how mad I was, he turned on the waterworks until I was the one apologizing. I consider this the spot where the abuse started.

When I turned 19, my "best friends" (one of which had just taken over my boyfriend) took over my TV and VCR to watch "Top Gun," a movie I had no interest in seeing, because they knew I wouldn't stop them. I ended up in tears to my mom without even being sure why. This was enough for her to tell our family doctor to put me on the first round of antidepressants. (Yeah, he does what he's told.)

Mostly I remember the bad ones.
  • Current Music
    "Birthday" -- The Beatles

No kidding

From the Salon/Nerve Personals:

April 18, 2002
Dear Em and Lo,
Why do men hound you down, then disappear — poof! What do they get scared of, when you're smart, sexy and very attractive? I don't want to get married, just have fun.
— Miss Meow

Dear MM,
They disappear because the grass is always greener on the other side: they worry about what they're missing. Because they don't want to belong to a club that would have them as members. Because when the chase is over, there is no challenge, and when there is no challenge, there is no point. Because it's exhausting to worry — and care — about someone else all the time. Because commitment and intimacy can feel like the death of independence and freedom. Because there are things they give up in order to gain a relationship, and sometimes they think they're giving up more than they're getting. Because you've got issues they don't want to deal with. Because you've got issues even you don't want to deal with. Because they've got issues. Period. Because sometimes the expectation exceeds the reality. Because they've told all their good stories and have nothing interesting left to say. Because you fart in your sleep, chew with your mouth open or like the band that sings the theme song to "Friends." Because they don't know what they've got till it's gone. Because love is scary.
The same goes for women.

Woof, woof,
Em & Lo

shelbinator has a point.

"Yeah, big fuckin' deal -- I've gotten to that point, too -- BUT at least it's an excuse to call an impromptu LJ outing in which we are all compelled to buy you alcoholic beverages (and have some ourselves), eh? C'mon, everyone deserves one day of free booze a year, so at least there's a bright side. :)"

I've been claimed tonight, but who's up for pretending tomorrow night is my birthday at some place with cheap booze?