August 21st, 2002


Georgia Politicians: A Whole New Breed of Dumb.

I've always been amazed by the amount of nationally-known wacko politicians Georgia produces. There's The Wacko on the Left (Cynthia McKinney), The Wacko on the Right (Bob Barr), and The Wacko Who Can't Make Up His Mind What He Is (Zell Miller). Not to mention oldies-but-not-so-goodies like Newt Gingrich, the bastard. (My mom left me a phone message to let me know when Gingrich resigned. I danced around screaming.)

I couldn't vote here because I'm not legally a Georgia resident, but I was flipping through channels and ended up totally fascinated by the election coverage, just like in 2000.

Barr's manners were nicer than I expected, but McKinney was a brat. The reporters seemed to want to cast her concession speech as "eloquent," but I thought it was just bratty.

So in the interest of public information... Kellinator Translates Political Speak!

A Linder supporter: "The public is saying they like John Linder's quiet dignity."
What he really means: "Bob Barr's a fucking lunatic."

Denise Majette: "I will strive to represent all my constituents."
What she really means: "My dad's not a raving anti-Semitic nut."

Cynthia McKinney: "I have not lost my dignity..."
What she really means: "...because you can't lose what you never had."

A Republican candidate defeated by Saxby Chambliss: "We'll support him."
What he really means: "I hate that sonovabitch, but I hate Democrats more."

One reporter to another: "You were in the room with Cynthia McKinney. What was the scene?"
What he really means: "Did she throw a temper tantrum?"
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My state of mind

Picture me as an Olympic-level weightlifter with a huge pair of weights labeled "Positive Thinking."

I bend down and put my hands on the bar and I strain and I strain and I strain.

I'm going to get that damn weight over my head. But tonight it's hard.
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