I need to glam up my look, methinks, and mascara would help. The problem is, I am hapless with mascara. On me, it clumps, it flakes, it leaves raccoon ringlets under my eyes. (Those of you who have seen me react to shiny things know that I am in fact part raccoon, but that's not the point.) So recommend me a good, cheap, can't-screw-it-up mascara. And while you're at it:
What should I do with my hair?
Hack and slash, baby!!
Grow it out long!
Leave it as is!
other (please specify in comments)