June 2nd, 2004


(no subject)

I was raised to be terrified of change.

In Pulaski, you get a job right out of high school, and you stay there until you retire or they lay you off to outsource your job to overseas, you marry your high-school sweetheart and if you're my parents, you stay married even if you hate each other. (If you're somebody else's parents, you embark on a whirlwind of divorces and remarriages that you need a scorecard to keep up with, but I digress.)

I stayed with high-school band even though I hated it, because I didn't want to be a quitter. I declared before I even started kindergarten that I was going to go to Vanderbilt, and I did.

I don't know how to strike out in a new direction. I don't know how to be brave.

I'm so scared I could throw up.
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    scared terrified