June 11th, 2004

Steve Nash

How 'bout them Lakers! *snark*

Allow yourself to picture the scene:

Last night, visitors' locker room at the Palace of Auburn Hills.

Shaquille O'Neil: Man, I can't fuckin' believe that fucker Jim Gray asked me to fuckin' spell "enigmatic."

Kobe Bryant: I can't believe you know that word.

Shaq: Man, if I'm the idiot, how come you're the one on trial?

Karl Malone: Don't mess with my lil' buddy!!

Unseen Spirit of John Stockton: Why, Karl, why?!

Gary Payton: Who's gonna make us, Mr. I'm-the-Glue-That-Holds-This-Team-Together with the gimp knee?

Shaq: How much did you have to pay ABC to do that halftime puff piece to rehabilitate your image?

Gary: It was their idea, man. The media loves us. They're making excuses for us. Right now there are a dozen reporters out there saying we're in control of the series. And I only need to fix my image because you fucked it up with that stupid triangle offense.

Kobe: What offense did you think we were going to run when you came here, you old geezer?

Gary: One that gets me more shots! I'm the Glove!

Kobe: No!! They're my shots! Because I'm the best! I'm the new Jordan! I'm better than Jordan! They said so on ESPN! I'm the only one who's even trying to win this series!

Shaq: You're right. I'm not trying to win this series. I'm just trying to make you look bad so you'll tank in free agency.

Kobe throws a punch at Shaq. Shaq grabs him and starts beating his ass. Malone tries to pull Shaq off Kobe and Payton starts beating everyone up just because he feels like it. Then they all dogpile on Luke Walton because, hey, he's Luke Walton.

Phil Jackson (watching with a big dumb grin on his face): I'm so Zen that I don't give a shit.
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I've had it up to HERE.

All right. All week I've been quiet about the Reagan media circus, not wishing to court the drama. But fuck it. I'm not going to take it anymore.

How fucking sad am I supposed to be that Reagan died? Look, people die. It happens. A peaceful death at 93 after a long full life is the best that any of us can hope for. And when that death is preceded by the living hell known as Alzheimer's disease -- well, that's a blessing.

Not that Reagan was exactly interested in providing funds for Alzheimer's research during his time in office. Maybe if that had been more important to him than tax cuts for the rich, he wouldn't have had to suffer through that long death -- and neither would have millions of innocents, including my grandmother.

Not to mention all the other diseases that Reagan ignored -- AIDS, anyone?

Despite his own recollections to the contrary, Ronald Reagan spent World War II in Hollywood making movies. Jimmy Stewart took time out from his film career to be a fighter pilot -- and had a clause in his contract that if the film studio tried to get publicity out of that, he'd walk off the set.

Last Sunday should have been dedicated to celebrating and remembering the brave troops who stormed the beaches on D-Day, not Reagan. Don't insult real heroes by comparing them to this man.

What's with all this misguided 80's nostalgia? See if shawnj refreshes your memory. The '80s sucked, and Reagan was a big part of why.

And for those who are convinced that Reagan was a genius -- well, gaiagurl helped me out with this link to some of Reagan's more bizarre quotations.

What set me off to the point of no return was hearing someone say that it won't be as big a deal when Jimmy Carter dies, he won't be as "well-remembered or missed." Whether or not you like his politics, Jimmy Carter has dedicated his life to helping the less fortunate. He is one of my personal heroes and is respected around the world. If people think Ronald Reagan is a better man that Jimmy Carter -- well, maybe the United States is in even worse shape than I thought.

Go ahead. Have your bread and media circuses devised to get Dubya reelected. You get the America you deserve.

(Just wish I'd had the balls to post this earlier in the week. Nobody reads LiveJournal on Friday.)
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