June 23rd, 2004

Steve Nash

Latest edition of Unsent Letters

Dear Mark Cuban,

If you trade my future husband Steve Nash to the collection of whiners and drama queens commonly known as the Los Angeles Lakers, I will drive, fly, or teleport to Dallas and personally beat your publicity-lovin' ass. Then I will rescue Steve from your eeevil clutches and we will ride into the sunset to have our really tall liberal babies.

Love,
Kelly

Dear Steve Nash,

Call me? Please?

Everlasting love,
Kelly

Dear Law Students,

Seriously, how fucking lazy are you if you have to take the elevator up one short measly flight of not-even-steep stairs? Even someone as well-acquainted with stress as I am doesn't think the bar can stress you out so much that you forget what your legs are for.

Love,
Kelly

Dear Law Firms,

Let me repeat myself again: We are a non-profit educational institution. Despite your stubborn beliefs to the contrary, we are not your personal Barnes and Noble.

Love,
Kelly

Dear ABC,

Regarding your cancellation of Karen Sisco, all I have to say is fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Oh, and fuck you.

No love,
Kelly
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