December 1st, 2004

Munch by kimberly_a

Crazy Crackpot Theories R Us!

Bear with me for a minute here while I indulge myself.

I've got two theories about certain cultural occurrences and their relation to presidential administrations.

The first, as cooked up by atomicnumber51 and me a couple of Super Bowls ago:

Think about advertising campaigns for beer, that all-American beverage you drink while watching the football game and/or scratching your ass. Is it fair to say that beer commercials take the pulse of the nation?

What were the big beer ad campaigns of the '80s, the heyday of Reagan? The Swedish Bikini Team. Spuds McKenzie and his bevy of half-naked women.

What was the beer ad campaign of the '90s, the time of Clinton? The Budweiser frogs. Followed by the ...umm? iguanas? Funny, creative, memorable stuff, and not a boob in sight.

Now, with a very conservative administration in office (and the Religious Right running amuck screaming about Janet Jackson's nipple), what's the most inescapable beer ad campaign? Those damn twins. With that awful song. They won't go away. They show up when I'm trying to have a beer and watch SportsCenter. (Only I don't drink beer. I drink cider. Cider is beer for people who don't like beer.) I think the twins bother me beyond my usual disdain for selling stuff with women's bodies because... it's just icky. Why do the guys want the hot twins? So they can have a threesome with them, I guess. Am I the only one who thinks even the idea of having a threesome where a family member is involved is just a huge ol' squick? Not to mention they're Barbie dolls, what makes you think they'd ever have a threesome with your drunk beer-bellied crotch-scratching ass?

Am I the only one who sees a connection between conservative administrations that try to restrict women's rights (and no, I'm not just talking about abortion -- I'm thinking of things like Dr. David Hager, aka Dr. "PMS should be treated with reading the Bible") and the rampant objectification of women? Get in the kitchen and make me some pie!!

Second part, not quite as well-formed yet (hell, I'm not even sure if the first part is well-formed):

Didn't Barbie have some pretty cool jobs in the '90s? Maybe she still does, but I can barely see past all the pink. Disney's Princesses. They're everywhere you look. And not just the new ones like Mulan (who barely ever shows up) and Belle (who I'll give a pass from all this vitriol -- she's a bookworm!), but the old-school ones, who didn't do much besides sitting around putting up with abusive families with nary a peep (good girls don't complain) waiting for their princes to come save them. Anyway, don't little girls emulate their dolls? Well, how do you become a princess? You're either born one or you marry a prince. It's never too young to start indoctrinating girls to marry up! And what the hell do princesses do, anyway? Besides put on pretty dresses? Talk about an example of "men do, women are."

I was attempting to explain this all to my mom and finished up with "You think I'm crazy, but I think I'm brilliant." She gave me That Look and said "Well, I'm glad someone thinks so."

I'm using my Munch-as-described-by-Meldrick's-grandmother icon because I think he'd understand. Also, because everyone thinks he's crazy too.
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