May 18th, 2005


It's that time again... Unsent Letters!

Dear George Lucas,

Seriously, what in the fuck are you thinking with this "Sith Happens" ad campaign? These movies are set long long ago in a galaxy far far away where people don't use profanity, so the joke doesn't work. Not to mention that it's just as forced an attempt to look cool as that execrable "Yoda Man!" ad campaign for the Episode II DVD. Dude, Star Wars isn't cool. That's why we like it. It's hokey and cheesy at times, but we still love it because it reminds us of being awestruck kids. It's space opera. It's not trendy. Which isn't a bad thing. The Matrix was trendy and look how well that turned out.

Seriously. Keep Star Wars the way it's supposed to be. If Obi-Wan tells Anakin "Bitch, please", I'm walking out of the theater.

Bitch, please,

Dear Kevin Smith,

Don't laugh. I'm looking at you too.

Bitch, please (but love anyway),

Dear Co-Workers,

When I'm obviously headed for the bathroom, that is not the best time to accost me. I just might have important business to take care of.


Dear Creepy Guy Who Keeps Asking Out My Co-Workers, Even the Lesbian,

Don't even think about it.

No love for you,

Dear SVU Writers,

Mad love to you for finally doing an episode that got Munch right.

Love for you,

Dear Shield writers,

You do realize "we're all about the mad love" is the line that will launch a thousand slashes, right?

Love, but not that way,

Dear Cramps,

You suck. Go away.

No love,

Dear People Wanting Articles,

Admit it. You've been sitting on these requests for weeks just waiting till the day before I go on vacation because you know it'll drive me batty.

Not now, I gotta photocopy,
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