Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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Election Night with the Kellinator

7:30 PM: Arrive home for Ed and Sandy's "Beat the Bushes" potluck. My Dubya's Dumb Artichoke Dip doesn't turn out right, but Saxby Sucks Stuffed Mushrooms are a hit.

8:30 PM: Things are not going so well. People start leaving as the mood turns from party to wake.

9:00 PM and after: Only Sandy, my landlady, and I are left. We double our drinking speed to deal with the news on the TV. I make some political comments which make me sound certifiably crazy (and no I will not post them here because they could get me "detained") and immediately kick myself.

10:30 PM: Sandy and I decide we should move to Canada and smoke a lot of pot. Hey, it's better for us than the booze.

11:00 PM: When confronted with Saxby Chambliss' victory speech, I announce I can't stand it and I'm calling my mommy.

11:15 PM: I'm on the phone with my mom, who may or may not be able to tell I'm two sheets to the wind. I start crying hysterically and announcing that if this happens again in 2004 I'm moving to Canada or England. My mom thinks I'm overreacting and says it's cold in Canada. I remind her that I like the cold (which she damn well knows anyway).

Umm...well...sometime: My Republican friend calls to goad me. He can tell that I'm three and a half sheets to the wind. He makes fun of me, I hang up on him, he calls me back and tells me that it doesn't matter anyway and I won't care once I start cranking out babies. Then he starts talking about having sex or something. Not sure. Too drunk.

Sometime after that: I think about calling Natalia but I'm too drunk to deal with my shitty cell phone.

I either drink or cry myself to sleep. Can't really remember which.

  • (no subject)

    You know you're getting old when "too drunk to fuck" becomes "too drunk to floss."

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