Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

Atlanta Special Edition Barbies!!

(courtesy of alfabettezoupe)

Buckhead Barbie -
This pretentious Barbie is only sold at Phipps Plaza. She comes with Kenneth Cole 4 inch clunky shoes (actual size), an assortment of real Kate Spade handbags, a take-out box from the Cheesecake Factory and a mini BMW convertible. Options include the Buckhead Nightclub Barbie which comes with a mini 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife and cruises Peachtree until 4:00 am.

Dunwoody Barbie -
This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the mini-SUV or mini-minivan vehicles, gets lost easily, and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Available and usually confused at Perimeter Mall locations. Also available to have discrete affairs with Ken's friends and coworkers. 'Traffic Jamming Cell Phone' sold separately.

Doraville Barbie -
This Barbie comes in a silk Kimono, speaks broken English but is fluent in 7 computer programming languages, has 3 college degrees, and is only sold in Buford Highway stores.

Midtown Barbie -
This model features Ken in a sequined cocktail dress, breast implants, press-on nails, and a really really bad wig. Details include a to-go cup from Backstreet, a rainbow scarf, and a CD box set featuring Judy Garland, Billie Holiday and assorted big show tunes.

Decatur Barbie -
This Barbie model is sold in Ken's clothes, features hairy armpits, tattoos, and a mini CD set from the Indigo Girls and kd lang. A special limited edition militant penis-hating Lillith Fair model is also available.

L5P (Little 5 Points) Barbie -
This Barbie model features nonfunctional 10-inch platforms, over 12 body piercings, 14 tattoos, a purple-green hair color, smells like an athlete, has no occupation, and is waiting on the curb at the Yacht Club for the Dunwoody Barbie to return and pick her up.

College Park Barbie -
This thick Barbie comes with 4-inch long airbrushed curved nails, a blonde hair weave, excessive gold jewelry and caps, bling bling, and is also available with the Lil' Kim SUV with automatic weapons.

East Atlanta Barbie -
This Barbie was previously a Crack Ho Barbie, but was recently displaced by a new 25 to 30-year old Barbie that is actually a $80K/year Yuppie masquerading as a down & out artsy Barbie. Comes with a full black wardrobe from second hand stores.

  • (no subject)

    You know you're getting old when "too drunk to fuck" becomes "too drunk to floss."

  • Here's a longshot

    Is anyone reading this familiar with both The Shield and Days of Our Lives? I may be doing something completely demented for NaNoWriMo, and it's…

  • Game of Thrones geekery

    I want a t-shirt that says TEAM DAENERYS and has little baby dragons climbing all over it. Also, if I were using LJ much and into making icons, I…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.