Then it hit me. Today would have been Joe's and my fourth anniversary.
(Well, we named it "our anniversary" retroactively; we were just friends going to the Rolling Stones concert together, and dinner at Amerigo's afterwards. You gotta admit that's a pretty spectacular first date. We had our first kiss a month later.)
I got an email from him today. He didn't mention it; I wonder if he remembered or not. I hope he didn't. I want him to go on and be happy. I want that so much for him.
I just... I don't think I'll ever stop feeling weird about it. I mean, today could have been my wedding day! And for a long time I thought that was what I wanted, what I needed. And even though I believe I did the right thing in ending it, I still wonder if it could have played out any differently. I guess I'll always wonder.