Things I Don't Understand:
- Why they call it a shit-eating grin. I mean, I can't imagine that eating shit is something that would make you grin (and if it is, I don't fuckin' wanna hear about it).
- Why my mom, who lives eight miles out of BFE, Tennessee, can purchase a six-pack of her favorite adult beverage on Sunday if she wants to and I, in the burgeoning metropolis of Atlanta, can't. (Not that I needed any more alcohol yesterday... I'm just sayin', y'know?)
- Why recent immigrants, especially ones who work in convenience stores, find me irresistible. What, do I have a wholesome all-American look, or is there just a big sign that says "Green Card" taped to my ass?
- Why Saved by the Bell has been released on DVD but the kickass X-Men cartoon from the '90s hasn't. Not in total, anyway.
- Why I bruise if you look at me funny, but I can't remember ever getting the flu, not even when my county was having a flue epidemic so bad that all the schools closed. Of course, I'll probably be getting it soon because of my deliberate tempting of fate, when I informed my flu-addled GM that I wasn't afraid of his germs and gave him a big hug.
- What happened to all the really funny things I came up with for this list but now can't remember.