Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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Wishing time

The Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule season is upon us, and you know what that means: peace on earth, good will towards men, and presents. In my opinion, anyone who says they don't like getting presents is a big fat liar. It's like I was saying to jonnyX right before Thanksgiving: "I really love Thanksgiving, but I gotta be honest, I like getting presents."

Not that I consider that the point of Christmas or anything. I consider Christmas the celebration of the birth of my personal saviour Jesus Christ. But by golly, people like to give gifts at Christmastime, and I'm not going to deny that I enjoy that too. It's not bad, it's just human.

Unfortunately for me, a lover of surprises, my mom makes me pick out almost all my Christmas presents, and has been doing so for years, ever since she told me the truth about Santa Claus (when I was twelve or thirteen, I'd figured it out but was smart enough to keep my mouth shut when I had a good thing going). So here's what I know I'm getting:

* a new VCR (I'd rather have a DVD player, but I want to hold out for the recordable ones sure to be released in a few years, and my VCR is in horrible shape)
* black zip-up leather boots (which will be designated the "sex-kitten boots," to distinguish them from the "ass-kicking shoes")
* the Barenaked Ladies' Greatest Hits, Vol. I
* cash (from family members who don't like shopping)

Here's what I think I might be getting:

* coffee-flavored candies (yum!)
* a beautiful heart-shaped rose quartz that I saw at a store in Pulaski run by a friend of my mom's
* possibly a rosary
* a coffee maker

And here's my fantastical wish list:

* peace on Earth, good will towards men
* true love
* Doc Maartens
* that really awesome and outrageously expensive crystal wand I saw at Crystal Blue
* perfect spiritual knowledge
* all those adorable Hallmark faerie ornaments
* fat donations to worthy charities, including those that work with domestic violence, underprivileged kids, and the environment
* my own personal feng shui consultant, who will figure out what to do with all my clutter
* anything Celtic (like a big ol' cross to hang on the wall)
* better social graces
* happiness for myself and anyone else who needs it
* an infallible antidepressant
* a silk nightgown or pajamas
* a real fondue pot (as opposed to the miniature one I bought at the mall)
* beautiful blank books
* a land line so I don't have to use my cell all the time
* a new cell phone (I'd settle for a new battery, really)
* this stuff

I'm not hinting for people to get me stuff. I'm just having fun wishing.

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