Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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Oh Danny Ainge, how much material you give me

Celtics hire Doc Rivers as coach

Wow. Danny Ainge is smoking even more crack than I realized. Not to diss on Doc Rivers' skills as a coach, but seriously, is there anything at all to indicate that he's an especially good match for Boston? Boston needs serious help. But then again, Danny Ainge is on too much of a power trip to listen to reason. He tore apart a nucleus that was actually winning games and ran off one of the best (and most underrated) coaches in the NBA because Jim O'Brien wasn't "his guy." And the really funny thing is, despite his stated attempts to fuck up the team so bad that they couldn't help but make the lottery, they still limped into the playoffs. Yeah, I bet he was pissed on that. For months I've been picturing Ainge lounging in Dr. Evil's lair (complete with Tasty Fruit -- sorry, couldn't resist the "Before I Kill You, Mr. Bond" shoutout), stroking a fluffy white cat and cackling about how he's going to pay Paul Pierce ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!! I probably wouldn't be mocking him quite so much if I thought anything he had done in the past year had even the remotest chance of working out, but I don't, so there.

All this would be very amusing for me, I'm sure, if it weren't for the fact that I've always loved the Celtics and still do despite the fact that they don't even vaguely resemble their former glory and tradition. (I still can't believe they tore down Boston Garden!! Fucktards. Make it into a museum or something that makes sense? Nooooo!! We can get more money for a parking garage!!) Maybe it's time for me to start making a sign that says "Will GM Celtics for food." Hell, how much worse could I be? I couldn't possibly do a worse job than M.L. Carr did as coach and GM in the late '90s...

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    You know you're getting old when "too drunk to fuck" becomes "too drunk to floss."

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