Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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Little Miss Paranoid

Today I went to a meeting with the prof I'm supposed to TA for this semester in a modern drama class. He started the meeting by announcing that we had too many TAs for the class and someone was going to need to go, and did anyone else have another interest they wanted to pursue?

I timidly admitted that Shakespeare has my heart and I'd love to TA the Shakespeare course that the prof I TAed for last semester is teaching. Of course I admitted I wasn't sure if it was kosher to work with the same prof both semesters.

So the prof immediately starts talking about how that would be great... for G. G is the golden girl of the department who just decided that she didn't want to be a modernist and is switching to the Renaissance -- my area. Which I had all to myself except for about three older students who are already done with coursework.

I already totally irrationally felt that G was (unintentionally, of course) horning in on my territory, because who's going to care what I'm doing if the Golden Girl is doing something better and more original and more grad-school appropriate (because she likes theory bullshit) in the same area? Now I felt like the prof was deferring to her, taking my great idea and giving it to her. My face fell.

Immediately after the meeting, I burst into tears to Lillie in the computer lab.

Lillie eventually talked me down, convincing me that actually it was more of a slight to G because the prof was cutting her out of the class (probably because she hadn't shown up for the first class yesterday). But I still feel crummy -- and now I'm wondering how truly paranoid I really am.

I've got to get out of grad school.

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