Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark
kellinator

  • Mood:

Get your Munch!fic here!

For the Notes challenge at thursday100plus. Mothership/SVU, 459 words.


To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

You bastard. How could you?

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

How could I what? It's not my fault you're not nearly as good at pool as you think you are, buddy.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

Your retirement. How about a little advance heads-up for your pal here? You know I'm dying to get out of SVU.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

The hell are you talking about, Mr. I'm-Too-Old-For-This-Homicide-Crap? Last I'd checked you were all for leaving the long hours and foot chases to the young turks. Well, the young turks and the dashing elder statesmen like me.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

All this sexual depravity is killing my libido.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

You've been married four times. You don't need a libido.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

But then how can I woo the delicious Dr. Elizabeth Rodgers?

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

HANDS OFF, buddy. I know your history with medical examiners. You told me while you were drunk, remember?

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

Not that that narrows it down.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

Hit on your own damn M.E.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

No good, I think she's got something going with Liv. But seriously, do you have any idea what I'm going through over here? My partner hates hippies and I think he votes Republican. Huang comes by every day to tell us the sky is blue, just in case we hadn't noticed. One of these days Stabler's going to rough up the wrong suspect and I'm allergic to Internal Affairs. And worst of all, we have a wannabe Valley girl in fuck-me boots masquerading as an ADA.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

Until you've spent four years with Serena Southerlyn, you can just shut up.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

I'm not asking for me, Lennie, I'm asking for Ed. Do you want your partner tossed on the seas of fate? He could get stuck with some jerk. You know, like the ones Dennis Farina always plays in the movies.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

It's for your own good. Neither you or Ed is half the hustler you think you are.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

Well if not for me, if not for Ed, do it for Van Buren. Do you really want to take a chance on her having an obnoxious subordinate who won't respect her authority? She deserves better.

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

...You BASTARD. You've got the hots for Lieu.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

Yes, I admit it! I lust for your luscious lieutenant! But you've served under Cragen. Can you blame me?

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

You have a point.

To: PoolShark@nypd.net
From: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net

So you'll put in a good word for me, then?

To: ConspiracyFreak@nypd.net
From: PoolShark@nypd.net

Not a chance.
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