“It's 1:30 in the morning and I really need to sleep because I have work in the morning and I'm running out of sleep deficit and I cannot sleep because *deep breath* I keep hearing these noises in the night, and normally "no big deal," probably just the fan rustling some papers, right? But Saturday morning there was a snake outside on my doorstep and it was just a baby snake but still, it freaked me out, because, if you don't know, I am absolutely phobic about snakes, like, terrified of them, can't-watch-"Crocodile Hunter"-terrified of snakes, so I'm just like, lying here, going "oh my gosh, what if there's a snake in my apartment?" because I have seen them recently, and I swear my next apartment is not going to be a basement apartment and *deep breath* I suppose I could tear up my apartment and try and find the damn snake, but well *sigh*, I'm not brave about snakes in the first place, let alone at 1:30 in the morning in my pajamas and fuzzy slippers. *sigh* So, if I don't show up at work in the morning... It's because a fucking vampire snake bit me in the night and drained out all my blood, and maybe I should just go watch SportsCenter.”
Transcribed by: sertrel
Phone Post: ah! snake! ah! snake! ah, it's a snake....
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