Madam President, Queen of Snark (kellinator) wrote,
Madam President, Queen of Snark

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If the White House were in Coruscant...

A conversation with walkinlikecain in the comments to my previous entry led to the following insanity.

Ultimately, one of the biggest reasons the Star Wars prequels left me with such a sour taste in my mouth is the Jedi. People of my generation grew up envisioning the Jedi as heroes. Not as namby-pamby, backbiting, misinterpreting-prophecy, missing-all-the-totally-obvious-signs, clinging-to-dogma, sit-on-their-hands talking-heads wusses.

In other words, not as politicians.

With this in mind, let's look at the Episode III Jedi Council in comparison with our current leadership.

Though you could make a case for Anakin Skywalker and his hotheadedness, he's not really a part of the Council, so I'll go with the charismatic and well-liked Obi-Wan Kenobi as George W. Bush. Please don't throw rotten tomatoes. I'm just working within a framework here. Sorry, Ewan.

Yoda is older than dirt and likes to hide out in undisclosed locations. Clearly, he's Dick Cheney.

Can there be any doubt who Mace Windu is? "Hand me my lightsaber... it's the one that says 'bad muthafucker.'" Mace Windu likes to blow shit up. Mace Windu is Donald Rumsfeld.

That chick Jedi who's wildly popular in spite of the fact that she has no lines and is easier to kill than Jar-Jar Binks (it's not my fault I don't remember her name; she DOESN'T HAVE ANY LINES) sounds like Condoleeza Rice to me.

I have no clue where Anakin Skywalker, Palpatine, or the movie's one true hero, Bail Organa, fit into this, but Padme Amidala is the ineffectual Democrat of your choice.

Heh, that really lends a new element to one of the scenes in Episode III that pissed me off the most...

Yoda: Fucked up we did.
Obi-Wan: Yup.
Yoda: Go to asshole-of-the-universe planets we will. Hide like pussies for twenty years. Then make dumbass farmboy save us we will.
Obi-Wan: Sounds good to me. I'll go to Tatooine. They have cheap hookers.
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