I want to tell you about my wedding.

Something all the wedding books fail to mention is that the actual couple of days around the wedding will drive you crazy (if you weren't there already). I was running around like mad the day before with no food in my system, which as anyone who knows me knows is a recipe for disaster. Finally I broke down in a crying jag, wondering why James got to sit around and go to movies (Mom's answer: "Because every bride is a princess, but not every groom is a prince") and if none of my friends loved me because no one had given me a party. James reassured me that he would do the heavy lifting the day of and pick up the cake and flowers. I called my mom, who had just arrived in Atlanta, and told her I was taking a nap. I may have strongly implied there would be bloodshed if I weren't allowed to nap in peace.

Once I woke up, James and I had dinner with my mom, her best friend, and my aunt. I wanted to see James' parents too, but 10dimensions was insisting I had to come to the hotel Dana had booked in Buckhead. Amazingly, I did not catch on to the reason for this for hours. I got lost in Buckhead, then trapped on 400, and finally found my way to the hotel... and the surprise bachelorette party that ariedana and 10dimensions had organized, even though ariedana couldn't be there. Man, did I feel silly about earlier then. nycorson, syrren, kth_dragon, and sursha_dwarf were all there, joined shortly by helichrysm and bheansidhe. Much fun was had, much sex was discussed, I performed fellatio on the obligatory penis-shaped straw. Thank you all. It meant so much to me.

Most people had to go home and get some sleep, but atomicnumber51 rolled in about midnight and then she and 10dimensions and I sat up late talking. Finally 10dimensions headed out and we crashed.

I did not sleep well. It wasn't so much a foreboding thing or even an excitement thing, I just didn't sleep worth a damn. But even though I gave up and got up fairly early, events conspired to make me an hour and a half late for my hair appointment. At some point atomicnumber51 grabbed my phone and started screening my calls. The lowlight was the call from the florist at Publix, who was trying to sell me a bullshit story that I said I wanted the flowers on Saturday instead of Friday. I most certainly did not and I told her that in no uncertain terms. This was actually a blessing in disguise, as I got to bitch out someone who actually deserved it and get it out of my system before snapping and bitching out someone who didn't deserve it.

We finally made it to my hair appointment with bellwitch, who made me look the best I've ever looked despite me being an hour and a half late.Thank you, Samantha! I got dressed finally and atomicnumber51 and I hit the road to the courthouse, at which point she told me she'd been a bridesmaid six times and I was the calmest bride she'd ever had, and I told her that I felt more certain about this than anything I'd ever done in my life.

We finally got to the courthouse with much swearing on my part (I'm sure I looked odd getting out of my car, all decked out and still saying "MOTHERFUCKER!!") and found the small crowd of family and friends. James would barely look at me because he felt bad about breaking tradition and seeing me before the ceremony, even though in this case it was unavoidable. I'm sure our entourage looked funny stomping around the courthouse. There were two other couples waiting there in street clothes. The judge came out and said "looks like some people want ceremonies, but if you don't want a ceremony, you can get in the express lane. Express lane, right here."

One couple looked at each other, shrugged, and said they'd take it.

"You wanna marry her?" "Yes." "You wanna marry him?" "Yes." "You're married. The paperwork will be in the mail." And the rest of us started cheering.

A couple more minutes waiting and it was our turn. Though there were only about fifteen of us, we still couldn't all get into the judge's chambers. The ceremony was short but covered all the important parts, and I think it was actually more meaningful to me for not going on forever. After the judge pronounced us husband and wife, I realized he wasn't going to say "you may now kiss the bride," so I took matters into my own hands and planted a big one on James. Then we were out, with poor eaterofgodz, who was videotaping, running into the door in the process. Sorry Dave!

circlek was waiting for us outside to take pictures (the ones I posted last week). I'd highly recommend him; he did a great job.

Finally we split up and started making our way to Wahoo! which is when people started getting lost because I'd done a poor job of giving out directions. James and I had our first spat as a married couple in the car. Finally everyone got there.

Then my brother waved me over:

Brad: "What kind of food they got here?"
Me: "Good food."
Brad: "Do they have... French fries?"

This made me howl with laughter, because when we were kids our family accidentally went to a really fancy restaurant called Port of Call and Brad threw a fit because they didn't have French fries. "What kind of restaurant have you got here?"

Also, he asked the waitress for a menu to look at. She explained that the meal choices were set. She didn't hear him say "well, then can I have a coloring book?"

The food was fabulous. I actually got the little hors d'oervres I'd been babbling about wanting from the start -- cute little crabcakes and mussels that everyone pronounced the best they'd ever had. We were out on the patio, and the staff set up a pretty table for our cake (which was cheesecake and kicked twenty-three different kinds of ass). helichrysm impressed my aunt by identifying some of the flowers blooming on the patio. We were the only ones out there, and everyone talked and mingled -- at one point, I pronounced it "Margarita Wedding" because of all the moving around to talk to people.

My dad doesn't like crowds, so I'd been worried about how he'd do at a wedding, especially when we were planning the big one. But he was relaxed and grinning, having a good time -- two weeks later, he was still talking about what a good time he'd had. Everyone was calm and relaxed and having fun and on their best behavior (I didn't think everyone could do those last two at once). 10dimensions gave me a really high compliment when she said at no point did she start thinking "can we get out of here now?" My family was in a really good mood and really happy. Everyone was at ease.

We came up with the small courthouse wedding to save money and reduce drama, but we never dreamed it would end up being so much fun. It was so laidback and relaxed and we had all the "wedding" things we wanted like a pretty dress and pictures and a cake and yet it was so much better than a fussy wedding would have been with me stressing out and flipping out and not getting to just enjoy the day. I've always been skeptical of the whole "best day of your life" thing about weddings because it doesn't exactly leave a lot to look forward to, but in the end, it really was one of the best days of my life.